Talk to Your Doctor... About Your Doctor

After the attacks of 9/11 we wondered how it was possible for our country to be so vulnerable. Most people settled on "lack of imagination." Nobody could've possibly dreamt of such a horrific scenario.

It's not that we don't have the creativity. There's plenty to go around. But the real creative brainpower is busy working overtime at the big pharmaceuticals. You've heard the term "brain drain?" Well the drain is flowing directly into the marketing offices of drug companies. After developing multiple drugs for every common ailment years ago, Big Pharm finally exhausted the list. But there was still billions of dollars to be made. So they started getting creative. Who else could have come up with "restless leg sydrome?"

It all started when they gave complicated names to everyday afflictions. Acid Reflux DISEASE, instead of heartburn. Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, instead of shitty parents. Did you know that there's a little yellow goblin and all his rowdy friends living under your toenail? Don't worry, there's a pill for that. And you have to take it for six to nine months - about the same time it would probably go away on its own.

But the cherry on the sundae comes in the form of a radio spot I heard while driving home from work. It had all the trappings of a drug commercial: sympathetic voiceover, soft menacing music track, and a buildup to the problem. "If you think you have an addiction to your prescription, you're not alone. Many people struggle with this problem. It doesn't have to be this way. Talk to your doctor. Only your doctor can deliver the care you need. It's private and nobody else has to know."

So after pumping you with prescription medication, only your doctor can help. Like asking your pimp to get you off the streets and into a safe environment. Now that's creative thinking. Or evil. I'm not sure which. Ask your doctor.